oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
