i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
