you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
