Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
