We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Couch. On fire.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
