dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Randomize
