i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
