I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
