You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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