i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
