4 words: hood of his car
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
