God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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