No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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