I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
