you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
