Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
