at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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