who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
