Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
