I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
