I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
