everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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