so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
