I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
