xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
