i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
