Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
