New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
