I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
