Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
