I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
