I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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