I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
