I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
