the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
