Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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