Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We left an ass print on the piano.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
pray to the hookup gods
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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