His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
