Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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