Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
