Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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