In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
