I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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