We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
