Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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