it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
There r osticjed everywhere
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
