the condom got lost in my hair
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
