Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
