Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
where does the pee come out of this thing
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
