Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
