I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
