I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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